The Secret Room

June 18th, 2010

In my present home we have no attic (just a hot and dirty crawl space under the roof) and only half a basement which is wet or flooded most of the year. The house sits on a massive slab of rock so the water table is uncommonly high. No one really has a dry basement around here.
Anyway, problems with building on bedrock aside, what I really wanted to write about is attics and basements. Aren’t they wonderful!

I grew up with both although the basement was really my father’s domain. He had his own bathroom down there with a shower, and his worktable, tool boxes and the tubing and casks and pungent cakes of yeast he used to make wine.
But the attic! Oh the wonder of it! Only half of it was finished. A small room at the top of a short flight of stairs, with a tiny window at one end which looked out onto an overgrown garden, the roof beams slanted and exposed, and then on the other side, the rafters about ten inches apart and a temporary floor made out of insulating board so brittle that your foot went through if you stepped on it, and nothing except the rough underside of the roof tiles.
We called the small room, the box room because we kept boxes in it. Mostly boring things like papers and documents which had made the trip over from England but there were photos too of my mum’s ancestors and relatives. Sepia-tinged portraits of bearded men in waistcoats holding round-brimmed hats and walking canes, and ladies with cinched in waists and bodices and bustles in their skirts, and sleepy children too still and clean in their pinafores and knee britches to be real kids.
And there were suitcases full of clothes neither of my parents ever wore but were kept anyway. My sister and I played dress-up with them and we made up stories about the people in the pictures and we spent hours in that dusty room at the top of the house.
Eventually the other half of it was finished with a proper floor and the peaked walls and roof roughly plastered and painted white. A normal guest room—but for some reason there was a walkway left behind the walls, a space about two feet wide that went all around the room, and we used to sneak in there and hide and whisper and peek between the tiny gaps left between where one piece of sheetrock ended and another began, and we’d pretend that we were the rats in The Tale of Tom Kitten or the minute people in The Borrowers or Lilliputians from Gulliver’s Travels.

The attic seemed like such a magical place and even as pre-teens and teens it was our favorite spot to hang out with our girl-friends recording made-up songs and advertisements into a primitive tape recorder or re-enacting scenes from our best-loved movies (Grease, The Sound of Music, Escape from Witch Mountain). One of my recurring roles was as Danny Zuko from Grease with my hair slicked back with Vaseline and my collar turned up. The boys had the better songs and the better dances and besides our friend Kate always wanted to be Sandy and wear her mother’s poodle skirt.

But this is about the other room in the attic. The one I still dream about. A room that wasn’t even there except in my imagination but it was so clear and so fabulous in my mind that I could not believe it did not exist. It was similar to the box room which probably added to the realism. The same but different.

There were the slanted walls, the small window at one end although in my dreams this one was made of leaded glass with rectangular hand-blown panes complete with air bubbles and occlusions and a sheen like spilled gasoline, and it looked out onto woods and rolling pastures and a winding, brilliant river. And the air was always fresh as if it had just rained, and there was a sweet, balmy breeze.

And there were boxes and steamer trunks and valises and mahogany wardrobes. And hoop skirts, and pelisses trimmed in swans down, and bowler hats, and sword sticks, and Malacca walking sticks with silver cobra heads, and scrolls, and maps on paper so old it crumbled at the edges, and compasses in brass cases, and clocks with open backs so you could see the gears and pendulums moving, and books with illustrations in bright jewel paints and gold with tissue paper covering the pictures, and exotic leather bindings embossed with swirling patterns and hidden faces, and peacock fans, and stuffed crocodiles, and varnished puffer fish, and wind-up animals that played musical instruments or walked stiff-legged and then fell over sideways, and lead soldiers, and carved chess sets with pieces that looked like faerie queens and goblin kings, and polished chunks of amber with wasps captured inside, and fossilized wood, and giant ammonites, and teeth from the prehistoric megaladon shark as long as a steak knife blade, and bows and arrows with flint heads, and doe skin moccasins and necklaces heavy with bits of bone and brightly colored beads, and cages with sulfur-crested cockatoos.
And a whole lot more.

I loved that room and I spent a lot of time inside and outside of dreams trying to find it again.

I think that room is the reason I love to read and to write children’s books. Adults just don’t have rooms like that.

The Aftermath

June 14th, 2010

I received my editor’s notes on May 24th.
Read through them.
Had myself a good cry (both sobs of joy and frustration).
Then I thought about everything she had said for a couple of days.
On May 26th, I sat down at my computer and began at the beginning.
With her notes at hand I started off with the big stuff: mostly shifting scenes to different places which entailed changing everything before and after that scene.
*In my first book (The Curious Misadventures…) I had to move a pivotal scene from the first 1/3 of the book to the last 1/3 of the book. This took a huge amount of effort and time. Hence an outline, and a critical eye, before sitting down to write a manuscript can save you a lot of time later on.
Fortunately with this book I was just adding a chapter about a 1/3 of the way through and 2 scenes mid-way and at the end of the book. Oh, and moving a kiss.
Turns out it’s very important where you place the kiss.
Then there were the smaller points, and line edits and those were easily taken care of.
*Part of the joy of working with an experienced and savvy editor.
I knew going in that even though there were no massive changes to what I had handed in (plot development, pivotal scenes, characters for instance), a prominent rule of revising is that it always takes much longer than you think it’s going to take. It’s easy to hold your manuscript in your hand and see chunks of text and tell yourself that you’ll just move this here, and that there and add in a few sentences to string it all together, and voila! Easy as making a souffle.

But when we write linearly, well, we write linearly. Each word is linked to the next. Each sentence to the next. Each paragraph…
Well you get my meaning.
When you excise a paragraph, you leave a big gap and nothing that follows it makes sense. Sometimes you have to go on re-writing for quite a time before it falls back into place. Or it can become completely unhinged.

The earlier on in the book that you start moving things around, the more work you have to do.
But that’s ok, because most manuscripts need work all the way along.

It’s not like the first half will already be a perfect piece of work and your editor will say “Oh don’t change a word!”.
“I wouldn’t dream of changing anything,” you answer modestly looking at your shoes. *They are very nice shoes, and expensive and probably made in Italy.

I began work on the 26th, and sent it in to my editor on June 11th at 2 pm (E.S.T.).

For the two weeks preceding that I wrote (and ripped my hair out) every day including Sundays for an average of 8-10 hours a day.
My bottom actually became numb. A giant callus my doctor informs me. I bought a big loofah.

The first week was the tedious moving sections around part, and then writing new stuff that was not tripe. The first half of the next week was more writing of the new stuff. I finished that on Tuesday 8th.
At this point I was positive that the entire book was complete and utter TRIPE.
All of it. Even the bits that my editor had said she loved. Not only that but the premise was laughably idiotic, the writing awful, the characters stupid, stiff and inhuman, and I was the worst writer that ever walked the planet.
Fortunately I have felt that way lots of times before.
And Natalie Whipple had just blogged about how every writer has that moment (or hour/day/month) and it meant that you were approaching the end. You can read her blog here.
I kept working.
The next morning I found bits of okayness within the awfulness. I started again at the beginning, examined every word, checked continuity, factual stuff, killed as many of my darlings as I could, inspected the entire book from beginning to end with my shiny editorial eye.
I enjoy this part because once I realized that really there was nothing that could not not be cut, I was able to study my sentences with some detachment. I don’t mean I took out all the flavorful words, and stripped it down to verb/noun sentences, but that I decided where less description was needed, where pacing flagged, where I needed a bit of a pause in the action so everyone inc. reader could catch their breath.
At this point, the writing is its own thing (not something that is attached to me so firmly that when I cut a word, I bleed too).
So I was methodical and pretty ruthless and even so I am sure I missed things that my editor will discover and then we will fix them together. There is nothing that cannot be fixed with work. Sometimes that means that you have to cut everything but one sentence, but if the story you want to tell is important enough to you, you will do just that.
Still, as soon as I hit the ‘send’ button, my hands started to shake. This may also have been because most days recently I have forgotten to eat breakfast AND lunch, but I have not forgotten to make a big pot of coffee as soon I fall out of bed.

I am now in the aftermath.
It is a frightening place.
I am reminding myself that at some point you have to shove your book out the door, wave goodbye to it, and then go back in the house where hopefully you have children, a significant other who gives good hugs, a dog with a squooshy nose, and plenty of wine and chocolate.

Any combination of these things will turn the aftermath into a calm, quiet, golden time with hours to just sit and read books by other people.
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First Draft

June 4th, 2010


Your first draft is going to suck.
Possibly your 4th and 5th one too.
I probably revise about 3 X before I even let my beta readers read the manuscript.
Then after I’ve received their comments and criticisms I edit again a couple of times before sending it to my agent who also offers in-depth commentary.
By the way, thank goodness for the thick skin I have developed since my first critiques.
Those flayed my soul.
But now I know that anything anyone tells me (well not anyone. Not some crazed person off the street like the guy with all the bells and the long robes in the center of town. But one of my trusted readers…) will make the manuscript better.
After my agent and I have polished the manuscript to our mutual satisfaction, only then do we send it to my editor.
And she suggests more changes. In fact with every fresh pair of eyes there will be changes. And each time I’ll wonder, “why didn’t I notice that?”.

So let’s see, on average we’re looking at probably ten, eleven rewrites per manuscript.
And it’s not because I’m a bad writer.
And yes, I am as lazy as the next person. And it still takes an enormous effort to make myself readdress a manuscript that I could have sworn was done already. But once I find my stride I remember that it’s just a matter of finding the right word and putting it in the right place, and removing all the wrong words.
It gave me a great gladdening in my heart when I read that Philip Pullman’s first drafts are complete sh*t as far as he’s concerned.

So you may feel like doing this :

but please don’t.
Because most likely you have this:

Every revision, every word considered and saved or discarded makes the writing that much better.
It’s all part of the process.

Speaking of which. I am on deadline for final revisions so I will not be blogging much in this first part of June.
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Cussing

May 31st, 2010

Warning!!! This post contains lamely-disguised contractions of bad words.

When I had my record label we used to make fun of rappers who used the word motherf**ker to excess, especially those who just inserted it willy nilly to make the line scan. We would suggest alternatives to the necessary 4 syllables: mad butterfly, chameleon, wily monster.


Sadly for the artistry of rap most of these were ignored. Then I met the brilliant rapper who rhymed it with ‘not a clucker’ and it was all good.

Although I would never excuse poor writing ability or weak ambition, I am still a fan of the ‘f’ word. It is still potent. Even after all these many years.
I believe it originated in Olde English first, and before that it probably came from Olde German. They are also responsible for c*nt (which incidentally I think should be reclaimed by women. Men should be publicly humiliated if they ever use it towards in reference to a woman). Anyway those Olde Germans apparently liked the sharp, short ‘uh’ words a lot back then.
I will be a responsible etymologist (not to be confused with entymologist) and look them both up and post links here and here. Please don’t read these if you are under 18 and/or offended by words.
I like the word as I said.
However I try not to use it. In front of my children I swear in Italian, much as my father used to (Porca miseria, Porca ma tosca, Vai far in culo if things are really bad-incidentally this is where fongool comes from- etc…). I try not to use any derogatory terms in the company of kids including ‘dink’ or ‘idiot’. This is almost impossible when driving through the village of Woodstock on the weekend.

I had a few cusswords peppered through my second to last manuscript. The one Scholastic is publishing in 2011. Maybe one ‘f’, and a couple of ‘s’ words. And only when my poor put-upon heroine was under great duress.
I have been asked to trim these.
This is surprisingly easy. The words are not really necessary after all. They are more like pauses before the next thought or utterance.
Much in the same way that certain rappers signed to my label took the lazy way out in order to make their lines scan, I used these words to indicate mood.
If I transcribed teen dialogue the way they actually spoke it, no doubt the prose would be liberally salted with ‘f’s and ‘s’s and ‘umms’ and ‘ahhhs’ and lots of awkward silences. But how boring to read!
There are far better, literary tools to employ. Dialogue, brief physical description, a pose, a stance, a nervous tic which convey meaning more clearly.
And then when I do use the occasional ‘f’ it retains its potency and is shocking once more.
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Clothing myself in the story

May 28th, 2010

I may possibly inhabit my stories and my character’s skins too much.
I’m not entirely sure.
A few years ago my husband bought me a small hand-held voice activated recorder so that I could speak the flurry of my thoughts on my walks rather than stop and scrawl them on a scrap of paper or along the inside of my forearm.
I was working on a novel with lots of passion. Not a YA. It was a tale of forbidden love. It was fraught with all kinds of turbulent emotion. Real fiery stuff.
I’d walk up hills and down hills, reciting words into my recorder, try out different scenarios, let my imagination have free rein.
Ok, sure, I was exercising but that still does not account for the breathiness, the panting…ummm.
Or for that matter the lurid dreams I was having.
It was almost excruciating.
And there was no one to remind me that these characters only existed in my head.
I was as worked up as if he (HIM- sigh) had been real, as if this love affair was something that was happening to me, and not just on paper.
Pathetic really.
I remember when I was writing the new-title-to- be- announced- soon- book for Scholastic, it took a number of pages of embarrassing ineptitude and misunderstanding to get my two MCs to a place where they finally kissed.
Oh that kiss!
I’ve been with my husband for fifteen years. He’s a good kisser but it’s not the first time.
The first time you kiss someone(you really like) is…

WOW.
So I went back in my memory and re-lived some old first kisses. Mmmm.

We’ll skip ahead.
I get so involved in my character’s lives that they start to inhabit my own. I think I have to do this. It’s necessary for the writing.
Much later when I read something I’ve written and completed I find myself not remembering the process clearly. Being surprised (often pleasantly) at turns in the story, at the things the characters say. Maybe we all do that a little.
Famously, Anita Diamant (The Red Tent) said she channeled her narrator’s words. She took dictation as it were.
And Stephen King had that novel where his MC (a writer)’s famous character came to life, didn’t he? And there was that movie with Will Ferrell (?)…
Is there a world where all our characters live out their lives after we write the end?
Actually that’s a little bit creepy…
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Insipid Heroines

May 24th, 2010

In real life I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone truly insipid. Boring perhaps but mostly because their interests don’t mesh with mine. Or they insist on trying to grab the center of attention spotlight away from myself. Actually that still doesn’t make them insipid, just annoying.
The most ‘blah’ person still has aspirations, hobbies, experiences, likes and dislikes, opinions. You might have to delve a little deeper to find out what they are, and most of us won’t give up the time. Easier just to move on with your glass of wine and talk to the artsy man with the uncombed mane of hair standing by the mantelpiece.
But I have found insipid characters in books.
Particularly female characters.
And this annoys me a lot (but not enough to ‘out’ any book in particular. See: Prior blog “Step Away From the Hoity Toity”.
Because why bother to write a flat character? Every character with a voice in your book should have something to say, and some role to play in advancing the plot. She (or he) should not just whine, moan, be depressed and wait for things to happen to her (him).
Sure there can be a bit of that. We humans like to feel sorry for ourselves, and usually we buck up, pull our socks up, and try and do something about the situation, and if we don’t…well, no one really wants to hear it, do they?
It seems to me that girls have pretty strong opinions and are clear about what they want or don’t want even if they get muddled along the way.

No one is fainting onto a chaise lounge or sobbing into a lace handkerchief. Or just sitting around chewing on their nails and waiting for the hero to show up.
Even pre-liberation, Austen’s heroines were stiff-upper lipping it and going about things in a stoic fashion. And even if they showed blank faces to the world at large, privately or in the company of beloved sisters they were full of passion and fire.
Give us flaws, give us mis-steps and confusion, insecurity, bad attitudes, and mistakes, wrong moves and tantrums, wile and deviousness, but for god’s sakes, give us something!
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Feeling my way

May 21st, 2010

This is how it works for me.
I write an outline.
Some character sketches.
Get a basic plot idea.
Start to fill in.
Usually I know what the first few chapter will be about. I know where I want to start. I know where I want to end.
I start writing, and it goes well.
I reach 10,000 words/5-6 chapters or thereabouts (because in no way is this an exact science) and I’m feeling the beginnings of the buzz.
Every day I hike. I’ve written before how it clears my mind, helps me organize my thoughts. Doing the dishes does the same thing. Or vacuuming but I don’t enjoy those two things as much as strolling up a hill.
I am not exactly sure what’s going to happen in the middle part. But I definitely know there will be stuff (remember: not a science) that will lead my characters to where they need to be for the end stuff to happen. It has to be inescapable.
So I begin to ask my characters questions. And this is where having done all the preparation helps. I ask them why they acted like that. Or said that? What motivated them to treat so and so in that way.
By this time I’m getting to know them pretty well so if someone says something that is not in character it jars me. I get an uncomfortable sort of an itch at the base of my neck and have to go in and change it all.
By this point(already) I can’t force my character to act in a way that is alien to them.
This can be irritating.
Because I have an idea of where I want them to go, and how they will get there so that this point in the story can be reached and all of a sudden so-and-so tells me they absolutely will not set foot in boat and I have to figure out another way to get them to the island.
A false dialogue rings false.
When I first started writing I had many forced dialogues and interactions.
It’s becoming easier to spot them now.
How about you? Do you feel/know when you’ve approached something from the wrong direction? Or forced an unnatural reaction on a character?
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Saturday’s Writing Workshop

May 17th, 2010

I think I did my first reading/writing workshop a month after my first book came out. So that would be…ummmm…about 4 years ago.
It was hosted by our local library and I arrived lumbered with poster boards and books for sale and notebooks and hand-outs. I was so nervous my voice shook and I was probably blushing the whole time, but I met 8 or 9 fabulous girls and a boy, and their enthusiasm and imaginations totally sparked mine.
Over the years (and in the months between having my daughter) I’ve continued doing workshops. Sometimes with a theme (Heroes and Villains, Dragons and Faeries- pure fantasy, the Notorious BIC, writing YA) sometimes more of a pull- it -out- of- my- hat affair although I always bring hand-outs, story ideas and snack foods of the evil type, and the same or slightly different variations of the same pool of talent shows up.
Some of them have been there from the very beginning.
This last Saturday I had 5 familiar faces and 2 new ones (including a new boy- squee!) and it was wonderful.
In the space of an hour and a half, we talked about writing, the holocaust, Moby Dick, Lord of the Rings, a few movies, manga/graphic novels, rubber ducks, and their own work which they each read aloud to the group.
I read from the first chapter of my new work (to be published next year) and answered questions about the best way to kill a snapping turtle.

I’m moving in a month or so, and I couldn’t imagine leaving without interacting with these kids just one more time. (I cried in the parking lot afterwards, but surreptitiously).

I’m quite a shy person actually. Speaking in front of groups of people still makes me nervous (although I did once field questions about gangsta rap at a symposium of hundreds, and under very hot, bright lights).
But the chance to talk and share ideas with the very people who read and buy middle-grade and young adult literature is priceless.
It revitalizes me personally and it revitalizes my writing.
Because after all, I am writing about them. I am writing for them.
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Step away from the hoity toity

May 17th, 2010

I’m a critical reader.
I read loads of YA and MG books and some of them leave me cold. Meh. (shrugs shoulders).
I pretty much always read a best-seller out of curiosity and frequently I am punished for it.
We used to talk about the lowest common denominator in the music business. It used to drive me crazy how predictable everything was until something innovative came around (usually backed with enough marketing money to register) and the flow would change direction and copy that new thing for a while until it was exhausted and the last vestige of creativity had been wrung from it. Cool sh*t without the capital backing usually just languished in the underground, just out of reach of the populace radar.
Incidentally, want to be inspired, excited by music? Always look to indie labels and the underground. (Just my opinion).
Perhaps I am filled with the milk of human kindness just now. Blueberry season is coming and I could eat them all day.
I believe that Canada grows many blueberries, and this makes me anxious to move there as quickly as possible.
Or is it cranberries?
That would burst the bubble.
However I am optimistic and soon to be filled with blueberries.
I was thinking that as a writer I should get off my high horse.
I do not speak ill of other writers on this blog (although I may have alluded to certain ***** in the past.) If I have nothing good to say, then I say nothing at all. In public, that is. In private I am free to mock them unmercifully.
But you know that is sort of hypocritical of me.
Because I am in no way the arbiter of taste. Someone liked these books enough to buy vast quantities of them and it couldn’t have just been the author’s mother and aunts.
My mother and aunts bought many copies of my first book, so I am aware of their buying power.
Who am I to sh*t all over a reader’s opinion? The book made them happy. It gave them pleasure.
Hey!
That’s a good thing.
So I hereby vow to get off my high horse and not turn my nose up at other authors who work as hard as I do.
(We’ll see how long that lasts!)
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Blurbed

May 14th, 2010

Before my first book (The Curious Misadventures of Feltus Ovalton) came out I sent a few letters to some children’s lit authors I admired. I chose Louis Sachar and Eva Ibbotson because they combined humor with fantasy, and Philip Pullman because he is one of the best writers alive.
I was almost obsessed with this quest to be blurbed by another author. I believed it would make a huge difference to the sales of my book. It might give me an introduction or a leg-up to vast colonies of readers. Or it might provide the edge I needed to lift my head a little bit above the crowd of middle-grade fantasy available in our post-Harry world.
I would opine (first time I’ve ever used that word in a sentence!) that the famed JK Rowling blurb for Darren Shan helped his sales; as did the Stephenie Meyer endorsement of Cassie Clare’s The Mortal Instruments series. But these are authors who have attained dizzying heights of success and have blurbed just when or after they explode into the sales stratosphere. Great timing and a certain amount of luck involved for the blurbee. And I believe, a bit of a push from the publisher, or agents.
This is conjecture on my part, but it makes sense to me (and I’m not speaking in regards to the two examples mentioned above) but writers get on with other writers and often form supportive groups and networks, and then if one has a measure of success it’s only natural to want to help your friends out.
The question is: does the book deserve a glowing endorsement just because it was written by your buddy?
On the other hand, it is quite likely that your writing buddies are all gifted and deserving of praise. People like to hang out with other people who have stuff in common with themselves.

The publisher was hoping for good reviews (and indeed we got some) but the book was pushed (or should it be pulled?) forward to a fall release and we didn’t have much time between the ARCS (advanced reading copies) and the actual publication date.

Sachar and Pullman sent me very nice “No(s)”. Eva Ibbotson sent me a delightful letter and also declined because she is in her 80′s and needs to hoard her writing time for her own writing. I wrote her back and asked if I could send her the book anyway and she said yes.
And then shortly after it was released she sent me a congratulatory letter. She ended up saying some really great things about it (in perfect blurb-ready form) but asked that I not use them. She doesn’t want to be inundated with requests for blurbs. It took a lot of will-power not to, but I refrained.

Now we enjoy a lovely twice yearly correspondence and she has been nothing but supportive and encouraging. I have a major fan-girl crush on her and also Sachar and Pullman. Considering how busy they all are (being writers) they let me down with gentle candor.

Eventually I asked my writing teacher (in whose group I had begun the book) to jot something down. She is a best-selling memoirist, a novelist, and had even written some picture books in the past. She is also the grandmother of thirteen, so she knows what kids like. And I asked a friend, a successful and talented mystery writer, and a parent, if she would. And she did. Neither of them work inside my genre, but the publisher seemed pleased.

I was ecstatic to have two people I admire say nice things about my book but I don’t think it affected anything one way or the other.

I think that readers who picked up the book were far more likely to be convinced to buy it by the fact(noted on the back cover) that I used to be a boxer, or owned my own indie record label. And I think that time permitting there would have been more impact if the publisher had been able to include the very good review the Canadian School Journal gave it, or we’d used a blurb from the local librarian or elementary school teacher, someone who really knows kids and really knows books.

Author Gayle Forman just posted about this same topic. You can read it here. Her blog is pretty great and informative and talks about all manner of publishing topics, and I suggest you check it out.
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My trip to Scholastic

May 10th, 2010

Although I only live 90 miles north of New York City I don’t make it down there as often as I would like. Maybe once every five months or so.
However this weekend we had to do some boring personal business stuff in Manhattan, and I jumped at the chance to meet my new editor, Lisa, and see some old friends who live in Brooklyn.
We packed up the kids and left at the ungodly hour of 6:30 so that we could make our business appointment at 11:00. Of course we ended up arriving a good hour or two early but luckily the offices were across the street from Central Park and a handy playground so we ran around and slid and swung and pretended we were an old money City family and lived on Park Avenue.
The kids were very quiet and malleable by the time we had to go sit in a waiting room. Much boredom and waiting ensued, but finally we were free to leave!
The Scholastic building is in Soho, one of my favorite areas of NYC. What’s not to like? Lots of shops, restaurants, people, fabulous art deco buildings…

We found underground parking a few blocks away and then wandered around Washington Square Park, somehow getting turned around in the process. Consequently I was about 1/2 hour late for my lunch date and the child who has to walk was complaining of sore feet.
The husband and kids kissed me goodbye at the front lobby and went off to find chicken satay and dumplings.
I got my visitor pass at the front desk, went up an escalator and to a waiting room.
Note- I carefully brought my camera so I document this excursion and then of course forgot completely to remove it from my purse.
Lisa came down, we shook hands and then went off to a nice seafood/vegi restaurant around the corner. We both ordered healthy not-fattening things and shared a yummy appetizer with wontons and avocado. Mmmm.
I think I talked probably too much, as I do when I am nervous, but not as much as I would have if I had had a glass of wine with lunch.
Alcohol in the middle of the day makes me excessively animated and then wont to collapse face-first in my chopped salad.
It was so great talking to someone about writing, books, my writing and my books, especially since she loves my writing and my books!
I did manage to ask her about her life too but mostly we talked about me.
Oh, and the editing process and other minutiae of publishing.
Then back to Scholastic where my family was waiting for me in the super cool shop they have on the ground floor.

If I had remembered to take a photo it would have looked something like this. You can pretend to see my son crouched between the Goosebumps and Pokemon shelves, and that’s my 3 yo scaling the heights of the ‘How do Dinosaurs eat their dinner?’ dinosaur.
We actually lost her inside the shop, and found her trying to remove Captain Underpants’s underpants. (They don’t come off).
If I had remembered to take pictures, there may have been one like this:

of me and Lisa hugging goodbye.
I thought she was great! Smart and kind, funny and interesting. And I can’t wait to work with her.
We would both have been the dark-haired girl though.
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Computer Dependency

May 6th, 2010

Computer died.
This is akin to a pet dying.
It is not altogether dead but the bits I need to work (ie. keyboard keys) are not dependably working. There are apparently many ‘n’s in my writing.
This would be my silver macbook pro (not the one I’m writing this on).
It may have been infiltrated by water thrown with exuberance around the room by three-year old.
Hoping it is just some weird coincidental glitch covered by warranty.
My other less beloved and cranky pc laptop throws the ‘d’ frequently and moves like a dinosaur.
It likes to be awoken twice each day.
It turns on and then immediately goes to blue screen. The next go-round it opens its eyes and stretches, yawns.
It has been ‘fixed’ three times in five years and I figure it is just ornery and full of character and likes getting up in the morning no more than I do.
Apple are pretty great. They will take in my poor limping silver beast and they will fix it in 5-7 days not guaranteeing that I will not have to pay if it turns out to be (whisper) water damage (hush).
This is somewhat better than the pc gang who took a month the last time.
Of course being without a real computer makes me want to write with a fervor.
I do the resumes (my day job) on the laptop. It is an unimaginative machine and good for such pedestrian activity.
I write my books on the mac. I edit on the mac. I revise on the mac.
I make notes while I write. A notebook is bought and reserved for each WIP. By the end they are stuffed with maps and pictures and ideas and phrases, but I write the first draft and every other draft directly on the computer.
I don’t think I can go back to the pc. The keys stick. The machine feels clunky. There is no poetry in it. It is not friendly. It is serviceable.
And if ever a phrase killed creativity it is that one.
So I have been thinking about writing long-hand and remembering how lmany years it has been since I did…
I wonder how many days my hand will cramp before it becomes strong again and capable of holding a pen.
I wonder if I will be able to decipher my own writing.
Which actually is most unlikely.
I can only read and transcribe my notes if I do it immediately. A day, two, and the meaning of the hieroglyphic scrawl on those little squares of paper is completely lost to me.
But then there is something so appealing in writing longhand, in filling up a few of those marbled composition exercise books.

Of flipping through pages and pages of closely-knit writing, letters piled haphazardly, crossings out, and underlinings. It lends weight to the words.
At the end of it I would feel as if I had really written a book.
So I might try it.
Do any of you write longhand? Do you feel it is archaic? Can you read your own handwriting? Does your wrist get tired?
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Telling Tales from Life

May 3rd, 2010

The WIP I just revised (FIERCE) started life as a memoir.
Incidentally memoir is a really good way to start digging into writing, and there seem to be more memoir writing groups around than other genres, BUT be cautioned that it is exceedingly hard to get published with an autobiography unless you are a celebrity (minor, reality tv, ok) or some truly catastrophic things have occurred to you. Simple drug and alcohol addiction or I was a teenage Madame don’t cut it anymore. In fact I think they made an after-school special out of the latter.
But as a tool to get yourself writing regularly and with some discipline, waxing eloquently about oneself works well. Must be the driving force of the ego again (see previous blog).
So about six years ago I started working on this, and I wrote it pretty much straight. A series of remembrances loosely strung together. I thought the rough, non-linear approach worked well with the edgy subject matter, plus it was easier to write that way. I was early in my writing apprenticeship and still inclined to be lazy.
And I wasn’t really writing it for anyone but me. It was cathartic. Therapy in the rawest sense of the word.
So yay! for Jo getting out these difficult feelings and yay! possibly for my writing group too because they got to see how Jo was as a young adult and that’s always interesting in a weird sort of way. Like going through a friend’s wardrobe or their bookshelf and discovering surprises– although this was more of a skeleton/closet or car crash sort of a thing.
Anyway, enough of an interest to keep going.
So I did, and I wrote about 250 pages before deciding that was enough. I had achieved my therapeutic goal.
Then, periodically, over the next few years I’d think about it but I was far too busy writing fantasy fiction and having fun with my middle-grade characters. And then there was another adult-type thing which didn’t work, and then the YA idea that got me my new agent and the Scholastic deal.
But it always niggled at me. There was something there. Something I could tell, but it was not an expose of my life replete with shocking detail (though not so shocking in this day and age after all). It was a story of a different kind.
Something had changed. I had grown away from the tale. And this is a good thing.
Because I had also a few more writing chops under my belt by this time.
So I began again, and I told it a different way, weaving in other things, bits and pieces of fact, and a lot of made-up stuff, and my characters became composites of other people and of me and of beings pulled out of my imagination and god-knows-where-else such things come from…
I was freed up to tell the story the way I wanted to tell it. I didn’t have to conform to what actually happened. It became a piece of fiction but rooted in truth.
Truth. As I saw it. Remembered it.
No two people ever remember the same thing the same way. Our recollections are so colored by the people we are now and the people we were then. My truth is not your truth. I can only approximate this sort of feeling that may or may not have existed. A sense of the time.
It’s freeing to just tell oneself that this is the story the way I am going to tell it. And included within are all the messy bits, the details, the things left out, the things put in, that make it something that I am uniquely qualified to tell. It’s the raw material for all stories. Simple as that.
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Bruised Egos

April 29th, 2010

I’ve been blogging since 2007.
I’ve blogged quite a few times about ego.
Perhaps because we all have them. Perhaps because I am overly conscious of mine. Perhaps because it pretends to be shy and retiring but is in fact a red-faced blustery Sergeant-Major of an ego. With huge mustaches.
I don’t know.
It’s not appeared only since I’ve been writing. There is nothing much in writing to inflate one’s ego. Much the opposite in fact. (Especially when one’s debut is not the arrival one so hoped it would be).
You might think that because we are creating worlds and moving people around in them that we all have god complexes but we don’t.
I bet there are some very arrogant writers out there, and I bet most of them are male. Could be wrong…
But most are ridiculously disparaging about their own work. For me, I can tell you it’s because every subsequent thing I write makes the previous thing look artless and clumsy. It’s sisyphusean and ironic. So maybe there is a god after all, but he ain’t us.
I was pretty cocky as a record executive. I was a darn good saleswoman, charming, knowledgeable. “I had ears,” she says modestly inspecting her fingernails. Ears are important in the music business. Not everyone has them. But how cocky can you really be if you never quite achieve those transcendent heights?
And my artists were exponentially more arrogant. I had one who referred to himself (always) in the third person. As in, “John Smith is not happy. John Smith needs this album to sell one million copies right now. Then he will be happy.”
And then my company failed and what did I do after I’d picked myself up and dusted myself off? I thought- I’ll try something more solid….like writing.

When I boxed, my optimistic trainer sent me into the ring a few times. Once or twice with the middleweight women’s champion. Like all boxers she was gentle and courteous, soft-spoken out of the ring, and scary, methodical, and fierce inside the ring. She could have knocked me out in 2 seconds but instead she did my trainer a favor and danced me around, let me take a couple of swipes, connect with her cheek/shoulder, didn’t punch back with anything like her full force.
After two three minute-rounds I was dripping in sweat, barely able to lift my hands, the laced gloves on the ends of my arms feeling like hams made out of concrete…my throat was raw, my chest, ribs hurt. I thanked her. Got dressed. Said “Bye, Thanks, See ya tomorrow” to my trainer. Went outside with as much jauntiness and noble courage as I could muster. Sat in my car and cried.
I didn’t cry because I was hurt although the next day it hurt to laugh, and my fingers couldn’t hold a pen. I cried because the reality of my talent was nowhere near where my hopeful ambitions had placed it.
I kept boxing for a few more years. Trained really hard. Went in the ring a few more times. Did better some times. But I can admit now, that something went out of me on that day. Some heart.
I should have pushed even harder, tried more, refused to give up, but I didn’t. Eventually I stopped boxing although I still like to hit the bags.
As a writer my only real opponent is myself. Everyone else is a trainer or a supporter. So I’m hoping that gives me slightly better odds than becoming next female boxing champion of the world.
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Apprenticeship

April 26th, 2010

I love the word apprentice.
For some reason it always conjures up visions of Wart and Merlin swimming with trout (T.H. White’s The Once and Future KIng) or Duny/Ged before he becomes Sparrowhawk (Ursula K. LeGuin’s Earthsea).

It’s sort of magical and appealing for a young student to learn at the knee of an elder. It seems appropriate.
I’ve always wanted to apprentice to a chair maker.
I love chairs. The perfect shape of them. So comforting to have something molded to your bottom, I guess.
Anyway, yesterday I was hanging at the tattoo parlor getting the second half of my tattoo (Honeysuckle and Day Lilies in black and gray- I’ll post a picture when it heals) and Jen, the apprentice brought me a cup of coffee and a hershey’s bar. She could tell that after three and a half hours under the needle, I needed chocolate and actually just a few minutes before this, Leonie (my superb tattoo artist friend) must have hit the accu-pressure point for chocolate desire because the thought had suddenly popped into my head that I wanted it. Scientific aside: There is an accu-pressure point which controls choco cravings and apparently it is located on the upper arm.
Jen is a very good apprentice. She is an older woman who works in the school system and has many many tattoos, and also tenure. She answers the phone, she gets coffee, makes tea, brings chocolate, fills out paperwork and closely observes the art of tattooing.
Every tattoo artist apprentices at the beginning and they all gopher and take out the garbage. There’s a gentle slope. It’s not really that whole ‘wax on wax off’ method but I think it teaches patience and the realities of working in a shop. I mean, someone has take out the trash, right?
Often beginning writers just dive in thinking that every word they put down on paper is golden. Straight from the imagination to the page. A massive outpouring of prose.
But writers should be apprentices too.
And the easiest and most accessible way to do this (and I’ve discovered from personal experience that Gaiman, Chabon, and Rowling don’t like being stalked while going about their daily lives) is to READ.
Every book you read will teach you something, even the badly written ones.
(Just as you can learn from the experienced writer and, also, the inexperienced one).
Hopefully if you want to write, you are already an avid reader. If not, then I would suggest you turn your attention to some other exceedingly difficult, often non-paying career with really bad hours. Like crab-fishing.
Writers write, but writers also read. And how great is it that our homework is something that we all love so much?!
A lifetime spent reading and writing and dreaming is the perfect life as far as I am concerned. I think that like tattoo apprenticeships, writing apprenticeships last for life.
I can’t imagine ever closing a book (either one I’ve written or one I’ve read) and saying to myself, “Well that’s it, then. I’ve learned all I need to know.”
It’s an ongoing experience tempered by everything that touches our brains and our hearts- books, telling a story, LIFE.
We’re all students taking out the trash and getting chocolate if necessary.
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